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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695218">The darkest city stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoinToYourWitcher/pseuds/CoinToYourWitcher'>CoinToYourWitcher</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>About 10 seconds of a noncon situation, Age Difference, All song fics all the time, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben is 27, Drinking, Drunk stream of consciousness sex, F/M, Forbidden Love, Guardian-Ward Relationship, Guilt, London, Loss of Virginity, Not Creepy, Oh and a knife wound, Pickpocket Rey, Police, Power Imbalance, Protective Ben Solo, Rey is 15ish, Reylo - Freeform, Rough Sex, Self Defense, Story is meant to be sweet, lawyer ben</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:00:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoinToYourWitcher/pseuds/CoinToYourWitcher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Homeless teenage Rey is caught pickpocketing Ben--who charitably invites her to his house for a hot meal. She can’t determine his motives, but she’s by no means helpless and by every means hungry.</p><p>A guilty, wonderful Ben Solo and a young, lonely Rey. Feels x 10.</p><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3QMerN59iV0jevshdAijgw?si=RH0ZBrzFRQiL_PoIvqNJoQ">The Spotify Playlist</a>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>RFR Songfic Challenge</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Cat Like Thief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>Call me back when word is that she's gone<br/>Cat like thief she stole air from my lungs<br/>Leave me standing on this lonely grave<br/>I dug it out in case she turns away</strong>
  <br/>
</p><p>Cat Like Thief by Box Car Racer</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://ibb.co/k5sCDbL">  </a>
</p><p>Rey knew it was a risk pickpocketing the tall American. He was one of the few people that seemed to actually <em> see her,</em> sitting on the brick sill of the coffee shop window.</p><p><br/>
Coffee houses were a great place to pick. Americans drank coffee. Brits drank tea at home. And Americans didn’t pay attention to their wallets. </p><p> </p><p>Tall American always slid his into his left jacket pocket, rather than his trousers, like savvy English boys. She typically lifted purses, but he looked flush, with his dark suits and spotless Oxfords.</p><p> </p><p>The technique for pocket lifts was fairly simple. She’d follow behind, wait until they were about to pass someone who was coming the other direction, then pretend to try to squeeze between them, bumping them a little bit so they wouldn’t feel the change in weight.</p><p> </p><p>The bell on the door dinged as he came out, glancing at her necklace like he did the day before. It was quite cute: a teal, fang-shaped statement piece with a secret. It was really a hidden pocket knife. Leia had given it to her for protection. Well, Leia gave one to all the houseless youth. Leia ran The Center.</p><p> </p><p>He turned right, blowing the steam off the top of his coffee. After a couple seconds, she jumped up to tail him.</p><p> </p><p>He walked through the tight Soho streets with a sort of casual grace, a muscular stride, though perhaps slightly bow legged.</p><p> </p><p>When she spotted her chance, she sped up, bump and grab, in and out, lifting the pocket up with her right and going in with her left. Success.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me,” she mumbled, before she felt his giant hand wrap firmly around her upper arm. </p><p> </p><p>“Can I have my wallet back, please?” He said, irritated, his voice deep but gentle.</p><p> </p><p>In shock, Rey immediately handed it back, watching him return it to his pocket. He grabbed her arm again as she tried to flee, his anger gone, but his grip remaining.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry!” Rey whispered, assuming he was going to escort her over to one of the street police and report her for larceny. </p><p> </p><p>His jaw worked as he looked her down, deciding what to do with her.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to seem small and helpless and repentant. She wasn’t of course, but she did <em> not </em> want to go back to juvenile prison, the thought of which was already making her eyes tear up.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you hungry?” </p><p> </p><p>“Hungry?” She repeated, trying to understand what he was offering. Whatever it was, it was better than handcuffs. Unless he was some kind of pervert.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Do you want food?” He said, sarcastically slow, releasing her arm.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pursed her lips, looking over his black suit again. “Don’t you have a funeral to get to?”</p><p> </p><p>He cracked a smile, “Jesus Christ, someone needs to teach you some manners. I’m trying to help you out.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey <em> was </em> really hungry. The Center was a good two mile walk. She had been hoping to lift an Oyster Card, the smart cards Londoners used to travel by Tube or bus.</p><p> </p><p>“Just food?” She asked, making eye contact to ensure he caught her meaning. She wasn’t a prostitute.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Christ,” he sighed. “Come on.”</p><p> </p><p>She followed him for two blocks, wondering what restaurant he was going to choose, when he fobbed into the black, wrought iron gate of a three-story terraced house. Shaking her head, she stayed firmly on the footway.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought-,” she started, before he yanked her over the threshold by her arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hurry up, please? I have to get to work,” he said, unlocking the door and motioning for her to go inside. </p><p> </p><p>He seemed so comfortable, as if they already knew each other. It was making it very hard to listen to her usual instincts. But she didn’t want him to change his mind and leave her on the street, and she had her necklace knife. </p><p> </p><p>Walking into the foyer, she laughed. “What?” She said, incredulously, looking around at his expensively-furnished flat. His TV was bigger than her bed at The Center.</p><p> </p><p>Sipping his coffee, he unbuttoned one button of his suit and hung his winter jacket on the coat rack. Making his way to the kitchen, Rey followed, kicking off her shoes. His head turned with a smile as she made herself at home, pleased she wasn’t afraid of him anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Really, he was like a cool, posh, big brother. She slid onto a stool to watch him work. He explained that he had a cook, so all he had to do was throw things in the oven or a frying pan. Pulling out a breakfast casserole in tin foil of diced potatoes, peppers, mushrooms, and vegan sausage, he slid it into the oven and flipped the switch to a random temperature.</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed at his attempt to be funny, trying to make her at ease.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you do to afford this place?” She asked, twisting the stool back and forth.</p><p> </p><p>He glanced at her necklace again. “I’m a lawyer- uh, barrister,” he corrected himself to the English term. </p><p> </p><p>“What kind?” She asked, licking her lips, wishing he’d offer her a drink.</p><p> </p><p>“The soulless corporate kind,” he said, pouring her a glass from the filtered fridge faucet as if he had read her mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you in London, instead of the US?” She asked, taking a long swallow.</p><p> </p><p>“Nuh uh, my turn,” he said, leaning back on the counter and crossing his arms. “Where are your parents?”</p><p> </p><p>“Probably still doing crack in Surrey,” Rey said, bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>She had hoped he thought she was of age, but no matter her clothes or attitude, she always had a bit of a baby face. She could dream, though. She didn’t care that he was in his late twenties.</p><p> </p><p>“How old are you?” He asked, a note of pity in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Eighteen,” she lied.</p><p> </p><p>He scoffed. “How old are you really?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey wasn’t actually sure. She didn’t even know what day her birthday was, since her parents hadn’t bothered with her much. She shrugged, staring at the colors of the granite counter top.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you care?” She mumbled, inhaling the smell of roasting potatoes, her stomach bubbling with hunger.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, everyone has problems with their parents. <em> Everyone,</em>” he said, pulling the casserole out with an oven mitt and setting it between them. He handed her a fork and leaned forward, taking a bite with his fork upside down, the American way.</p><p> </p><p>“What was wrong with your parents?” She asked, leaning towards him to share.</p><p> </p><p>“Absentee,” he said shortly, tossing his fork in the sink.</p><p> </p><p>Rey swallowed, “You’re not going to eat?” </p><p> </p><p>“I have to get to work. Maz will be here later, my cleaner,” he said, checking his watch on his way back towards the front door. “I’ll let her know you’re here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey spun to the floor, following him. “Wait, should I grab the food, or-.”</p><p> </p><p>He threaded his arms through his jacket. “No, stay if you want, you’re my guest. But don’t fucking steal anything, alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t,” Rey smiled, trying to sound her sincerest. She took off her coat to show him she wanted to stay. “Hey, I'm Rey, by the way,” she said, before he was out the door.</p><p> </p><p>He paused and she couldn’t tell if he was looking at her boobs or her necklace again. "I'm Ben."</p><p> </p><p>“You have a little thing for me, don’t you?” She said, reading his boyish eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He grinned, his hand still on the door handle, letting the moment hang, before saying, “You’re not my type, kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s your type? <em> Men</em>?” She asked, watching his brows furrow at her return to impudence.</p><p> </p><p>“Older,” he said, seriously, before closing the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You know, there’s an old fan fic wives tale that if you don’t listen to the song recs you lose the ability to orgasm, just saying.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. We don't give a fuck about the warning signs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>Hate it, I don't mind<br/>I'll decide if all we do is fake it<br/>Waste our time<br/>Use our lives to try our best to make it<br/>We'll be fine<br/>We don't give a fuck about the warning signs</strong>
  <br/>
</p><p>We’ll Be Alright by Yoste</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben wasn’t sure if his little project would still be there when he got home. It was past dark and he had forgotten to tell her she could help herself to the fridge. But then again, she was a thief and probably had no problem taking what she wanted. </p><p> </p><p>He had spent most of the day doing a mental inventory of the valuables at his flat. The truth was, he didn’t give two fucks. It was far more fun to have company than Chopards.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
Undoubtedly Maz would be locking everything up, after his phone call this morning. She had been surprised to find that he had brought home one of his mother’s foundlings. </p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t know that he recognized her necklace, one of the self-defense gifts his mother handed out to kids at The Center. He hadn’t seen them since the last time he volunteered, over a year ago, before the accident. He wasn’t welcome there now.</p><p> </p><p>The Center was a good cause and he missed it. Helping Rey made him feel better about the year he’d lived sans-philanthropy, amassing money and doing little good with it. </p><p> </p><p>Opening the door quietly, he dropped his keys on the stand next to the door, then thought better of it, putting them in his pants pocket, still weary of Rey. He stood, listening.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m in here!” came a voice from his home office.</p><p> </p><p>He smiled, pulling off his tie and walking over to see what could possibly interest her in there. She had her socked feet kicked up on his desk, leaning his chair back with a book open on her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Get your feet off the desk,” he said, coming closer to see what book she’d chosen from his library.</p><p> </p><p>She retracted her feet, holding it up for him to see. David Copperfield, held open by her thumb to what looked like halfway.</p><p> </p><p>“What have you <em> really </em> been doing all day?” He asked. There was no way she had read half of that book.</p><p> </p><p>“This,” she said, defensively, dog-earing the page and setting it down.</p><p> </p><p>He picked it up and put a Post-it Note inside, fixing the creased edge. </p><p> </p><p>She rolled her greenish eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You really read all day?” He asked, handing it back to her and sinking onto the love seat next to the window.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m...I’m actually houseless at the moment. So I spend a lot of time at the library,” she admitted.</p><p> </p><p>He raised his eyebrows, pretending this was new information. All the kids at The Center were homeless. <em> Houseless. Maybe he should start saying that. </em></p><p><em><br/>
</em>He rubbed his eyes, trying to think of a way to ask if she wanted to crash in his guest bedroom...indefinitely. He didn’t mind, he was enjoying her snarky company. Despite her shoes in his hall and a heathen-like lack of bookmarks, she was clean and neat and smart.</p><p> </p><p>“How was work?” She asked, joining him on the love seat. </p><p> </p><p>He slid a little further away, reclining on the armrest. “I hate my job, to be honest. My boss would choke a kindergartener if it came with six figures.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then quit,” she said, scooching closer to toy with the tassels on his curtains. </p><p> </p><p>He stood up, “Stop that.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed coyly. “What?” </p><p> </p><p><em> Looking at me like I’m a snack</em>, he thought. </p><p> </p><p>Her hand reached out and grabbed an inch of his pants at the knee, pulling playfully. He could tell she was all false confidence. She had no idea what she was doing. He decided to call her bluff and let it play out.</p><p> </p><p>“You can stay in the guest bedroom, I don’t mind. But you have to behave,” he added, watching her standing with a twisted little smirk. She was only a foot away from him now.</p><p> </p><p>She tugged at his shirt next, then slid her hand lower, expecting him to retreat and chastise her no doubt. He stared at her impassively as her hand <em> did </em> actually graze him, before she faltered and looked away, out the window. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I knew it. Brave, little thing.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You can stay here. You don’t have to do <em> anything,” </em>he said, watching her swallow her embarrassment, still gazing out the window at Soho's dangling Edison lights.</p><p> </p><p>She looked like she was two seconds from running out the door to weep in the street. He should have just slapped her hand away like she had expected. Kids with trauma were hypersexual sometimes, even if they <em> were </em>virgins, like she clearly was. He suspected her trauma was neglect… and a head full of books.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked, seeing her face wash with relief. </p><p> </p><p>She nodded.</p><p> </p><p>He picked out a shirt and pajama pants from his room while she browsed Amazon Prime, then waited while she changed in the guest bedroom. They watched the film version of David Copperfield--from opposite ends of his couch--while she paused to compare it to the book. She really <em> had </em>read all day. </p><p> </p><p>The movie was very, very long and he had little interest in it, apart from her commentary. Her pauses became few and far between as sleep pulled on her eyelids.</p><p> </p><p>When she was out, the movie still playing, he switched it off and went to pick her up. She jerked and he felt a searing pain down his chest, accidentally dropping her to the floor. He looked down in shock as a red stain expanded across his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry!” He said, seeing her holding up her little knife necklace. “I was just going to carry you to bed!”</p><p> </p><p>She looked down at her hand, still holding the knife, as if someone else had put it there. He could tell she didn’t mean to hurt him, she was reacting instinctively.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay,” he said, lifting his shirt. The cut was diagonal, long, spanning from his collarbone to the bottom of his ribs and blood was dripping, staining the top of his pants above his belt.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Maybe her trauma was more than neglect. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She took the necklace off, dropped it, and stood up, her mouth gaping, as if screaming without a sound. Slowly, he reached his hand out, “I’m okay. Look, I’m okay. It’s not deep.”</p><p> </p><p>Running, she slid on the floor and was out the door, shoeless, before he could figure out what to say, that he wasn’t going to hurt her or press charges or tell anyone or bleed out, or whatever it was she was afraid of. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” he shouted as the door slowly closed on it’s own.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Make me feel something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>Touch me someone<br/>I'm too young to feel so<br/>Numb, numb, numb, numb<br/>You could be the one to<br/>Make me feel something, something</strong>
</p><p>Feel Something by Jaymes Young</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I decided to do Ben’s perspective again for this chapter. Blah. It’s just better. Drunk Ben stream of consciousness coming.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben sat in the casualty department of the University College Hospital. They had patched him up with an adhesive, rather than stitches, since the cut was shallow and straight. Luckily he was up to date on his Tetanus shots.</p><p> </p><p>He had explained to the nurses that it <em> was </em> a knife wound, but it was wielded by someone with PTSD who was half asleep. They made a note, rather than contacting the authorities. </p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t sure if their lack of due diligence was good or bad, although he had benefited from the trust. Maybe he had one of those faces. </p><p> </p><p>He <em> was </em> 6’3” and somehow convinced Rey to stay with him, alone, at his house. <em> She must have been secretly terrified. </em></p><p> </p><p>On the walk home, treading carefully on the dim, cobblestone street, he dialed his mother. Part of him would rather take another knife wound than hit the call button, but he did, raising the phone to his ear. </p><p> </p><p>It was 3am, but she answered on the second ring.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She asked, worried. They hadn’t spoken in a year. She knew it must be something bad. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, no, I’m fine. I was actually worried about one of your Center kids,” Ben said, testing the volume of his voice in the quiet street.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no. Which one?” She said, her voice still nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“Um. Rey. Did she get back to The Center before you locked up?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, she didn’t come back tonight. And she’s usually so punctual,” his mother said. He could tell she was about to ask how he knew her, when Ben spotted a small figure sitting in front of his gate.</p><p> </p><p>“Nevermind, I found her,” he said, quickly, hanging up.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood, shivering a little, her lips purple. “I’m so sorry!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben gingerly lifted his shirt to show her the big, white bandage. “No worries, I’m all fixed up. Come inside.”</p><p> </p><p>---------------------------</p><p> </p><p>In spite of the rocky first night, Rey and him fell into a friendly coexistence over the next two weeks. They spent all their spare time together - without any more <em> uncomfortable moments </em> on Rey’s part.</p><p> </p><p>His mother called back after a week, asking about Rey. He reassured her that she was fine but he was forced to explain that she was staying with him. </p><p> </p><p>He even used the word “ward”, like some kind of 19th century lord. He’d been watching too many Dickens movies with Rey. His mother had laughed.</p><p> </p><p>Him and Rey would sneak out every other night on clandestine gelato runs, sprawl out on the floor for takeout dinners, and hide silly notes around the house for Maz to find. </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s favorite thing to do on the weekends was to turn her Dickens movies into drinking games in an effort to make them more entertaining for Ben. Which it did.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat on the carpet, leaning against the couch with Rey curled up on the cushion above him so they could cheers their drinks before every required sip. Whenever they saw mutton chops. Or a wig. <em>That was a dumb idea.</em> There were <em>a lot</em> of wigs.</p><p> </p><p>At some point he fell asleep, his head slack on the cushion. He woke up to find Rey straddling him, gently lifting his shirt to check his scar. She was drunk and probably didn’t mean for it to be sexual.</p><p> </p><p><em> But it was for him. </em>He kept his eyes closed, hoping she would see the scar was healing, feel better, and return to the couch. That way, he could pretend it didn’t happen.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t. Still thinking him asleep, she raised herself up, planting a little kiss on his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He almost opened his eyes then, ready to push her off, when he felt her <em> grind </em> on him. That was ten times worse. Not caring if she woke him up anymore, he felt her suck on the taut skin of his bare neck. </p><p> </p><p>His brain felt hazy as he sat up, surprised when she kissed him again, rather than backing down. <em> Brave, little thing. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I was just looking,” she said, her eyes still closed. </p><p> </p><p>“I know,” he said, finding her mouth again and snaking his tongue inside. His pants were already tenting with need, right under her/his cotton pajamas. </p><p> </p><p>He knew he should stop. He wasn’t that drunk. But she felt so warm and soft and he hadn’t been with someone in so long. </p><p> </p><p>Letting go was as easy as falling asleep. Just letting her hands explore him, letting her mouth taste his neck and Adam’s apple and ears, her hands stroking and pulling on his hair. </p><p> </p><p>His hands roamed from her knees up her thighs to her hips. Before he knew it, he was pressing her down, just to feel her weight on him, not wanting to take it further. </p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, she did. He took one, long, sobering breath and when he opened his eyes she had shimmied out of her pants, straddling him again.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, wait, wait,” he said, frowning. </p><p> </p><p>She physically covered his mouth with her hand to stop his objection, whispering, “Don’t say no, Ben, just show me what to do.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled her hand off his mouth, suffocating and hot and <em> wanting </em>everything as much as she did. “I won’t do that,” he said, twisting her to the ground, eager to take control of the situation. “But-.” </p><p> </p><p>He hooked his fingers in the crotch of her panties and pulled them down her legs. His mouth might be too intimate for her first time, so he used his hand. </p><p> </p><p>He already felt tainted, damned--after his father's accident--but tonight was compounding it. The guilt. He cringed the thought away, focusing on the soft, wet place between her legs, trying to convince himself it was okay because it was consensual. But then she kissed him and he tasted vodka and he felt bad again. </p><p> </p><p>He felt like crying, but that was probably the liquor, too much liquor, making his movements too rough and too hasty and he <em> was </em>too drunk. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t even notice when she undid his pants and had him in her hand. Her hands were small and that made him feel bad too because he was big. His whole body was big and he felt like he was crushing her, but she was digging her fingers into his hips and he thrust, realizing he was actually inside her now and she whimpered in his ear. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes shot open and he lifted himself off of her, out of her and there was blood but she said it was from him, from his wound.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand was moving on him and he was really close and he was glad he wasn’t inside of her for this part because he came in her hand and down her stomach and that wasn’t fair because she liked it and was squirming, left out while he huffed out a gasp of pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>He touched her again, gentler, and she was wetter and she ground into his hand so he couldn’t stop when she’d already helped him, her sticky hand grasping on his arm, leaving come trails. </p><p> </p><p>She jerked and came undone and he pulled his fingers out of her and reached under her shirt to squeeze because he hadn’t done that yet, then her eyes opened and he removed his hand, turned on his back and caught his breath.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Shit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see the little drops of blood and come on her stomach when she climbed on him again. He’d worry about the consequences tomorrow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. In the darkest city stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>I will always fall hard<br/>In the darkest city stars<br/>In the darkest city stars<br/>I will always fall hard<br/>Baby, you gave me scars<br/>Baby, you gave me scars</strong>
  <br/>
</p><p>Scars by Hazey Eyes, Yoke Lore</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey ran to the kitchen sink, closer than the toilet, vomiting twice. Her face grew hot, then cooled again. </p><p> </p><p>She had never been hungover before. Ben said they should have drank water before they fell asleep. But by the time they were done with each other, she didn’t have the energy to put on clothes, much less journey to the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>She was so sore down there, not just her vagina, but leg muscles she never used and the places where his hips pounded deliciously into her thighs. Just, sore. </p><p> </p><p>Ben had run out when they woke up - when they’d come to their senses. He was at the local pharmacy, getting her a Plan B pill, which would hopefully prevent pregnancy, since she wasn’t on the pill and he was too drunk to remember to use a condom. She didn’t blame him, she had practically jumped him.</p><p> </p><p>The door swung open and Ben came in, sheepishly avoiding eye contact as he opened the pack with one solitary pill and handed it to her. </p><p> </p><p>He looked as rough as she felt, his hair a mess.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m picturing you checking out at the store with a Plan B pill, that Gatorade, and your hair like that,” Rey joked, wryly.</p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t smile. She wasn’t sure why he was feeling so guilty. She wasn’t <em> that </em> young.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t raped, growing up, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said, hoping to make him feel better. She put the pill in her mouth and chased it with a gulp of water, hoping she could keep it down.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” He said, opening the Gatorade. He had gotten one for her too.</p><p> </p><p>“I just don’t want you to think that’s what made me cut you. It wasn’t that, or, well, it wasn’t me. That it happened to,” Rey said, trying to explain.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was quiet, listening.</p><p> </p><p>“When I first ran away, I met a bunch of other girls like me at the Center and they’d always talk, almost like telling ghost stories, but I guess more like cautionary tales. I was younger, this was like three years ago, so I was just really scared of that happening to me,” Rey said, trying to explain her second-hand fear. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care that you cut me, so don’t worry about that. I just can’t believe. What I did last night. We’re going to have to get you your own apartment,” he said, staring at the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t afford-,” she started.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think I won’t take care of you? I can get you a decent place to live, somewhere <em> this </em> won’t happen again and you’ll be safe,” Ben said, moving to the other side of the counter, subconsciously distancing them.</p><p> </p><p>Rey twisted her hands, nodding, “That sounds good. But before you take all the credit for last night, just remember I was doing everything and <em> you </em>were drunk crying, so, really who should have stopped?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben looked at her. She could tell that helped.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t remember crying,” he laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well, ya did,” Rey smiled.</p><p> </p><p>Ben ran a hand through his messy hair. “I drank SO much. I kept thinking about my dad.”</p><p> </p><p>“What happened to your dad?” She asked, feeling dizzy and sitting on the cold floor. </p><p> </p><p>Ben joined her, exhaling as he remembered. “He had been drinking--not as bad as us--but pretty bad. He asked for his car keys, but my mom had hidden them. I couldn’t stand for him to be mad at me. I went and got them. He wrapped his car around a tree. And until you, I hadn’t spoken to my mom, she was so mad at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought for a moment, “What do you mean, ‘until me’?”</p><p> </p><p>“My mom is Leia from The Center,” Ben said, quickly. “I saw your necklace when you sat outside the coffee shop and I knew you were one of her kids.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Rey breathed, her head spinning. “You could have just told me that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were already so rude,” he laughed. “I didn’t want to tell you I knew you were homeless.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, maybe tomorrow we can both go there, to see your mom.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stretched his legs out. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. And I think I’m going to tell her I’m quitting my job. I can do pro bono for a while.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laid on the cold floor, using his legs as a pillow, even though he seemed uncomfortable with it. “That’ll mean less income coming in. You should just keep me here with you. As your <em> ward</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben snorted into his Gatorade, laughing. “Jesus Christ. My mom is going to see right through us.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey liked that word.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was originally where I stopped. And then boy, did I keep going.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I found me some good karma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>Would you let me loose and let me be<br/>In this house that I call home<br/>Always safe and warm<br/>Can't we all just get along<br/>Never do me any harm<br/>I think I found me some good karma</strong>
</p><p>Karma by Tulpa</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It wasn’t <em> drugs</em>! When have you <em> ever </em>seen me do drugs in the two months I’ve lived here?!” Rey cried, pulling the rest of the packet out of the nightstand and closing it before he got a good look inside.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had just caught her swallowing a pill and jumped to conclusions. He stood at the door to her room, the former guest room—decorated to her taste now with band posters and bookshelves—glaring at the white and red pills in four neat rows.</p><p> </p><p>“When did you start that?” He asked, not looking relieved at all to find she wasn’t doing drugs.</p><p> </p><p>“A while ago,” Rey said, vaguely. </p><p> </p><p>She had tons of birth control. Women carried them in secret pockets of their purses. She had at least a year’s supply in her nightstand. All she had to do was make sure she was taking them on the right days because all the packs had different amounts of pills missing.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was determined to mature quickly so Ben would touch her again. Not the friendly way he did now, but the adult way he did that one night. The night they don’t talk about anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? For that Dameron kid?” He asked, his voice chilly. “I’m going to <em> murder </em>him.”</p><p> </p><p>She was confused for a moment while it dawned on her that he thought she was preparing for sex with <em> someone else.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Poe? Gross. Well, not gross, but no!” </p><p> </p><p>His jaw worked as he gathered that she was taking them for <em> him</em>, not the boy in year 13 who asked her out weeks ago. “Fuck, Rey, you don’t need those. Nothing is going to happen...”</p><p> </p><p>She noticed he didn’t say the word ‘again’. He had progressed to full on denial now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey ripped her nightstand drawer wide open and threw the pills inside. </p><p> </p><p><em> Oh, shit. </em>She had just flashed him her secret horde of stolen goods. Mainly the jar full of cash and coins. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck was that? Are you still stealing?” He asked, his feet refusing to enter her bedroom. Like one of those dogs with an electric fence, he never ventured into her territory.</p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to buy some new clothes!” She said, meeting his volume.</p><p> </p><p>“I bought you clothes!”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm not talking about school clothes! And it’s not like I stole from <em> you</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>“I WOULD RATHER YOU STEAL FROM ME! You’re going to get caught, it’s a miracle you haven’t yet, with the amount of CCTV cameras in London!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey hadn’t told him that she had, in fact, been caught before and spent three weeks in a juvenile prison, an experience she was keen to avoid, not by stopping her illegal activities, but by becoming stealthier.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re grounded,” he said, darkly. “You. Are. Grounded…until I say you’re not grounded. You will go to school and you can volunteer at The Center with me, but that is it.”</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t ever seen him mad. Even the day they met and he grabbed her arm, he was surprisingly cool-headed. Even the time he raised his voice and said that he would take care of her, he was just emotional, not mean. This felt mean.</p><p> </p><p>“Put all of that shit on the kitchen counter and get changed, we’re going to The Center in half an hour,” he said, daring her to object.</p><p> </p><p>Rey grabbed the door and slammed it in his face, almost taking off his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Where the FUCK are your manners?!” He shouted against the wood.</p><p> </p><p>—————————————</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew Leia was helping Ben work through the arduous process of becoming her legal guardian. She didn’t know why he needed the paper to prove it, he was doing it already. Ben cared more about her in one day than her real parents had in all the years she had lived with them. </p><p> </p><p>No one had ever loved her enough to ground her.</p><p> </p><p>Done helping with the dinner dishes, Rey waited for them to finish, watching from the lobby as they worked at Leia’s desk. Ben was in his casual wear, jeans and a T-shirt, but he still looked so much older than her. </p><p> </p><p>Too important to do dishes. He helped the kids get out of legal trouble, be it from their parents or the wrong side of the law.</p><p> </p><p>Her shirt was wet down the front and she smelled of Dawn dish soap. She stared down at her pruney fingers, wishing Ben could see her in a short dress, her hair done, with perfectly manicured fingernails. </p><p> </p><p>She decided to head back home; they looked like they were going to be a while. As pleased as she was that they were getting along again, she also missed having him to herself. </p><p> </p><p>She also didn’t like the way he treated her like a child around Leia. Leia didn’t even treat her like that. Leia showed her how to wear makeup last week.</p><p> </p><p>Every one of his patronizing comments was like a knife wound to her, reminding her that he regretted it. She cut him once and he cut her a hundred times. It hurt, this retraction. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Because they had. They did. He came three times that night.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>As she wandered home through Covent Garden’s shops and restaurants, she remembered the feel of his big hands and when they changed from resting to pushing down on her. Pressing her down onto his erection.</p><p> </p><p>It was all a bit of a blur. A dream. She had to get him back to feeling like he did that night, but he hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since.</p><p> </p><p>Rey spotted a purse. A woman had it at her feet while she ate at an outdoor table. Out of habit, Rey bent over to tie her shoe, slid the purse into her bag and stood up, walking away innocently. </p><p> </p><p>It almost made her angry that she never got caught. <em> She was invisible. Only Ben saw her. </em></p><p> </p><p>Almost home, she heard the ‘blip’ of a police radio and glanced over her shoulder to see two plain clothes officers stalking her footsteps. She started running but they caught her quickly, ripping her bag off her shoulder. The bigger one looked familiar.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you remember me, don’t you?” He said, digging a zip tie cuff out of the pocket of his trousers. “You’re still doing this shit?” </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mind raced. She pursed her lips, reminding herself not to speak, because it was incriminating.<em> Ben would get her out of this, he was a lawyer. Would this affect his ability to become her guardian? Why were the cops whispering? </em></p><p> </p><p>“Listen, pumpkin, I hate to see you go back to that place,” the bigger cop said, even though he cuffed her hands in front of her. <em> If he was going to let her off the hook, why was he restraining her? </em></p><p> </p><p>Jumping the gun, before his partner had even started on his proposition, the other grabbed her and moved her to the alley. Rey screamed but the familiar cop covered her mouth, pulling her tight against his chest, stinking of perspiration. </p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t reach him because he was behind her. But the other one, maybe.</p><p> </p><p>Two on one wasn't a fair fight. She hadn’t worn her knife necklace since the night she'd used it on Ben. All she had was her hands, her flip flopped feet weren't going to do anything.</p><p> </p><p>She balled her hand into a fist and covered it with the other, hitting his chin on the bottom and hearing his teeth clack. </p><p> </p><p>His face came back down slowly and she knew she was in real trouble now. Flashing her a bloody smile, he grabbed her hands to keep them from repeating the action, “You call that a punch?”</p><p> </p><p>“Here’s one,” Ben growled, before landing a hit to his ear that leveled him to the ground. Rey almost collapsed from relief.</p><p> </p><p>The familiar cop raised his hands in the air and tried to move away, but Ben grabbed his face and slammed his head once against the brick wall, watching him crumple too.</p><p> </p><p>Stepping over their limp forms, awkward with her hands bound, she stood next to Ben as he watched to make sure they didn't get up.</p><p> </p><p>Ben ran a hand through his hair, composing himself, dialing it back. He whipped his phone out and took pictures of their faces, before pulling her away from the scene.</p><p> </p><p>They walked home at a normal pace, Ben covering her zip tied hands with his jacket. They were silent, trying not to draw attention from passerby or CCTV cameras. </p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t think the officers would come after her now. Not now that there were two witnesses instead of one.</p><p> </p><p>Safely inside, Ben closed the door and locked it, even the chain. For a few minutes he just stood, watching the street through the peephole of the door, before finally turning to her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rut ro</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. It's crazy it's true</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>It's in your eyes<br/>You got me caught<br/>No one comes close to this<br/>You hold me right<br/>I need you now<br/>It's crazy, it's true</strong>
</p><p>For You by Benji Lewis</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey was watching him like she was expecting him to be mad, to blame her, to lock her up and throw away the key. </p><p> </p><p>“You did it again, didn’t you? You stole something?” He asked, letting his eyes bore into her, daring her to lie to him now.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” she said, shifting uncomfortably with her hands stuck in front of her. </p><p> </p><p>Walking to the kitchen to find the scissors, he gritted his teeth, furious at the cops more than her. “That scared me. You scared me.”</p><p> </p><p>She held her hands out while he cut her free and rubbed the circulation back to her hands. The little red lines the plastic left behind made his anger resurface.<em> The image of her trying to defend herself, sandwiched between two men breathing down her neck.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I should have listened to you,” she said, not a tear in sight. </p><p> </p><p>So odd. He’d seen her tear up from fear before, even from just sheer embarrassment, but nothing now, when she was almost tag-teamed by two dirtbag cops.</p><p> </p><p>“That!” He pointed to the door and looked at her closely. “That was not your fault. That is not the punishment for stealing!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, exhaling. She went to the freezer and pulled out some ice cubes, setting them in a washcloth, wetting it, and coming back to ice <em> his </em>knuckles. He sat down in a kitchen stool, stunned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She was taking care of HIM? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He looked down at the top of her head, feeling her take his hand and set it on his knee so she could apply the compress. She had a series of bruises forming on her arm. The cop had gripped her so tight Ben could make out the ghost of a wedding ring. </p><p> </p><p>He erupted, throwing the ice against the wall. </p><p> </p><p>“Those motherfuckers! Those fucking pedophiles!” He grabbed the fruit bowl and sent that flying as well.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s head shot up and he knew what she was thinking. That he was a hypocrite.</p><p> </p><p>“Pedophiles want you <em> because </em> you’re young! I want you <em> despite </em>you being young!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben froze, then started cleaning up.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> want </em>me?” He barely heard her say, before she started picking up shards of the bowl he’d destroyed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Of course he fucking did.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He thought she knew at least that much, judging by the night they had and the way he refused to set foot in her bedroom now. He hoped in time she could forgive him for it if he took good care of her and didn’t act on it. </p><p> </p><p>He <em> wouldn’t</em>. He didn’t even look at her. Not even when she walked around the house in her little pajama shorts or when she came out of the bathroom swallowed in a big towel. He didn’t even <em> look</em>. He left the area, he went to bed early, he took a long shower. </p><p> </p><p>He rubbed his eyes with two fingers, feeling beyond tired. She was so desperate to hear the truth and maybe he should just give it to her.</p><p> </p><p>“I do, but,” Ben paused.</p><p> </p><p><em> Was he really going to verbalize this? </em> </p><p> </p><p>“I won’t touch you until you’re older. Finish school, go to college, travel, hell, date. And if you still want me then…”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what?” Rey breathed, still on her hands and knees on his kitchen floor. </p><p> </p><p>She was giving him one of those looks. The kind that made him flee to his shower to take out his frustrations by hand. </p><p> </p><p>Ben stood up and left the room, leaving her to imagine the rest. The rest being, “Then you can have me.”</p><p> </p><p>----------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Late that night, Ben snuck by her open bedroom door to see if he needed to sweep up the kitchen, but she had done everything. She had relinquished her drawer contents of money, jewelry, phones, etc. in a pile on the counter. Judging by the array, she must have stolen from a couple dozen people since living with him, for “not school clothes”. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Was he squashing her sexuality because it scared him? Should he find someone else to be her guardian? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Passing back by her door, he noticed she was asleep with her lamp on, mumbling.</p><p> </p><p>She was having a nightmare, her face twitching in fear and pain. For one unholy moment, he considered crossing the forbidden boundary and waking her up. But it was possible she was faking it, whether a cry for attention, or a ploy to get him to break his rules and step over the line again.</p><p> </p><p>He leaned in, looking around at her room. As if it was one big trap. He read the poster across from him on the wall, the long Charles Dickens quote.</p><p> </p><p>“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey made a sad, little noise and his eyes jerked back to her. Another minute went by without a twitch, but then she started wincing, her fingers jumping off the sheet.</p><p> </p><p>He stayed in the doorway, his hand over his mouth, watching her, reading her face, the nightmare intensifying. She was unnaturally tense and there was an occasional sob, not graceful, like they would have been if false.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to walk away, but then he felt like a bad guardian. She had been attacked and didn’t react until she was asleep. Now she needed him and his feelings were getting in the way. She was a kid. She needed comfort. </p><p> </p><p>He needed to get his shit together.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben spun and walked into her bedroom.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did you think I was done bringing up Charles Dickens? Ho no</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I just wanna try something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>I just wanna try something<br/>Try something new<br/>Even if it doesn't mean that I'm good to you<br/>All the pressure, all the sadness<br/>Going through my head<br/>Try to focus, I can't help it<br/>Put it on you instead<br/>Slow down<br/>Slow down</strong>
  <br/>
</p><p>Slow down my thoughts by Zachary Knowles</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just making sure you’re listening to the song recs, I’d hate to take your orgasms away...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey’s hands and feet and mouth were bound tight and she screamed and screamed, but Ben couldn’t hear her. He looked down the alleyway, straight through her. Unseeing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She was invisible to him now too.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was big and strong and could take both cops out again, but he walked away, heading home, where he would find it empty. It’d be clean and quiet, the way it was before she moved in. He liked it better that way. He’d be free to bring women home without her there. He could drink again without worry.</p><p> </p><p>She felt the cop’s hand on her shoulder and she recoiled, but couldn’t shake it. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” she heard Ben’s voice. She stilled, hoping he’d come back and see her in the alley.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re okay, brave, little thing,” he said and she felt him press a chaste kiss into her hair.</p><p> </p><p>Opening her eyes, she saw Ben standing up to leave her bedroom but she reached out and grabbed his hand, knowing if he was there, the cops couldn’t hurt her.</p><p> </p><p>She cried then, holding his hand in both of hers, pressing it against her forehead as if he could heal her. She realized she was safe, having a delayed response to her nightmare, that there were no cops in her bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>He inhaled slowly, probably afraid she was going to jump him again, but he leaned in and she sat up, hugging him.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for taking me in! Please ah don’t change your mi-ind,” she sobbed. She kept messing up: stabbing, sex, and stealing. It was a miracle he hadn’t turned her out yet.</p><p> </p><p>She was feeling sorry for herself now, remembering life before Ben. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> At her parent’s apartment where she got ready by herself, while it was still dark, riding her bike three miles to school because she didn’t know where the bus came. Somehow all the other kids just knew, probably because their parents told them. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sneaking onto a bus pretending to be some lady’s daughter. Ending up in London. Sleeping in the paws of a giant lion statue in Trafalgar Square. Someone bringing her to Leia. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> At The Center where she laid in her cot, listening to the older girls talking about rape in explicit detail til the early hours of the morning while she wished she was a boy so she’d be safe. But then the boys talked too and she found out they weren’t safe either. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> At the juvenile prison where the other kids ate her food and she drank a lot of water to feel full. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Shhh,” Ben said, his arms fastening around her firmly, as if he meant to cease her shaking by force. His hands covered her entire back. “You’re mine, you’re not going anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t know she could smile and cry at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>Ben was growing tired of kneeling next to the bed. He gave up and climbed in with her, staying on top of the covers.</p><p> </p><p>She’d never gone from sadness to happiness so quickly, pulling his arm over and turning so he would spoon her.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to keep her. And he <em> wanted </em> her. <em> Why was she crying? She was the luckiest girl in the world. </em></p><p> </p><p>“One of those cops was the one who got me the first time,” Rey confided. </p><p> </p><p>“The first time?” He asked, pulling his arm back a little, trying to distance them now that she wasn’t shaking. He had nowhere to put his hand so he settled on her arm, but remembered her bruises and put it back where it was to begin with, where her fingers could entwine with his.</p><p> </p><p>“I think the only reason he didn’t do that the first time was because it was daytime,” Rey theorized, picturing herself two years ago, caught shoplifting. After that, she didn’t steal from stores. </p><p> </p><p>“No one will ever do that again,” he said, his voice rumbling into her neck. She thought for a second that he was going to kiss her there, but he was leaning forward to work his legs off the bed. To leave.</p><p> </p><p>Turning on her back, they were face to face and he hadn’t been expecting that. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” She said, her face inches from his.</p><p> </p><p>“...Yeah?” He said, too curious to pull away.</p><p> </p><p>She let the moment hang. Like he did the day they met. When she asked if he had a little thing for her. Something built when they were silent around each other. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t wait that long,” she said, meaning <em> being </em>with him, after university, a ridiculous amount of time, seven years at least. She left her lips parted, just slightly, telling him with her eyes that he could kiss her, push his tongue inside her again, that she wouldn’t tell a soul.</p><p> </p><p>“Me either,” he said, defeatedly, staring at her lips. </p><p> </p><p>When he didn’t lean down to her, she sat up and pulled him down, as if in slow motion. He followed her lead, kissing her cautiously, his full lips opening wider each time, teaching her how to let him inside. When his tongue met hers she felt that burning desire to repeat <em> everything </em>they did before.</p><p> </p><p>She was already halfway there, bare-legged, sleeping in one of Ben’s oversized T-shirts, even though he’d told her not to anymore. She had her own clothes. But she liked wearing his.</p><p> </p><p>She thought she was going to have to work very hard to get him to move past kissing, but it seemed she had opened the floodgates. He was already joining her under the covers.</p><p> </p><p>Smiling into his kiss, she felt his hand palm her ass, travel under the shirt, skimming her hip and ribs, settling near her breast, his thumb rubbing over her nipple. </p><p> </p><p>“I feel bad,” he said, opening his eyes, “that I ruined your first time.”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t,” Rey said. She had loved every second of it. She even liked that he was completely out of it the whole time. She couldn’t imagine the pressure of having sex her first time with a handsome older guy who was fully sober and alert.</p><p> </p><p>Ben breathed a laugh, “Oh, please, it was bad. No, not you, you were great. You were...so into it.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m into it <em> now </em> ,” she assured him, reaching for him under the covers. He was big but he wasn’t hard when she touched him through his pajamas, but he <em> became </em> hard when she ran her hand down him. </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s breathing changed and she kept doing that, slow, their theme tonight, each scared of spooking the other.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to do it differently this time,” he said, running his fingertips over the little inch of panties on her hip. “The way your first time should have been.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey relaxed, surprised he was committing to staying in her bed. She moved her arm out of the way as he tugged her panties down and she worked them off with her feet. </p><p> </p><p>He laid back down beside her but didn’t touch her right away, instead sliding her shirt higher, watching her face to make sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. When her breasts were visible, he lowered his mouth over one, sucking gently on the tender swell of skin, sliding his hand up her inner thigh simultaneously. </p><p> </p><p>Her breast glistened with his saliva and she watched his mouth move, though her mind was concentrating on where his hand was going. A finger dipped inside her and she tried not to laugh. It was easier to be in the mood after half a bottle of vodka. </p><p> </p><p>Ben looked up at her, his tongue traveling up her chest, throat, and straight into her mouth. <em> Ah, eyes closed, that was the secret. </em></p><p> </p><p>She squirmed into his hand as his middle finger slid up and down her, into her, followed by his ring finger. He deepened his kiss at the same time he curved his fingers and she arched a little, remembering this. </p><p> </p><p>She had flashes of their night on the living room floor and she visualized it now under his deft hand. The second time he came she was on top and she didn’t know he had come, <em> how was she to distinguish one groan from the other? </em>She didn’t realize it until she felt his come running down her thighs. </p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip because he was watching her face, feeling her arousal on his hand. </p><p> </p><p>“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” he said, his arm muscles tensing over and over as he found each and every nerve ending between her legs and woke it up.</p><p> </p><p>“Do- do you remember the third time you came? That night?” Rey asked, pretty sure the answer was ‘no’.</p><p> </p><p>“What about it?” He asked, smirking.</p><p> </p><p>“After, you said something. You said, ‘It’s just us now’,” Rey said, remembering him on top of her, his hips slamming into her and she came, now, from his hand and the memory.</p><p> </p><p>Ben watched her unravel, his lips wet, catching his own breath from getting her there.</p><p> </p><p>She remembered him above her, a hand on the floor on either side of her head, looking at her in a way she’d probably never understand.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you mean by that?” Rey asked as he drew circles on her stomach, waiting for her oversensitive sex to spiral back down.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” he said, honestly, “I don’t remember saying it. Why do you look disappointed?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey frowned, feeling like her favorite moment had just been forever ruined. <em> He was just drunk. It wasn’t a real sentiment. </em></p><p> </p><p>His finger stopped moving and he leaned back over to kiss her. “It’s just us now.”</p><p> </p><p>He kissed down her chest, “It’s just us now.” He positioned himself between her legs and she blushed, glad his eyes were closed. He kissed her there, his tongue moving in lazy circles the way his fingers had traced her stomach. </p><p><br/>
His hand took over again as his mouth explored her thighs, finding every inch of cold skin and making it hot. She really wanted him inside her. She was ready. <em> She was so ready. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I decided to split this into two chapters so I could switch perspectives mid sex scene :D bwahahaha</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. We should just kiss like real people do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>I will not ask you where you came from<br/>I will not ask you, neither should you<br/>Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips<br/>We should just kiss like real people do</strong>
  <br/>
</p><p>Like real people do by Hozier</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Some part of him <em> knew </em> this was going to happen. <em> Inevitable</em>, he thought, looking down at her from his knees as he pulled his shirt off.</p><p> </p><p>He had even made contingencies. If he went to prison, or was otherwise incapacitated, then his mother would take over guardianship of Rey. He had made sure that was in the documentation. </p><p> </p><p>His mother had caught on fairly quickly, reminding him that the age of consent in the UK was sixteen and that Rey had no birth certificate, though his mom guessed her at fifteen based on her schooling. She tossed an accusation his way, and when he didn’t deny it, she had slapped him across the face so hard his eye hurt. </p><p> </p><p>He had tried to explain how it had happened and that he’d stopped it, but she was a planner and she wasn’t having him go to prison as a pedophile. Pedophiles didn’t last long in UK jails. The other inmates killed them. </p><p> </p><p>Also The Center would suffer by reputation. That was the fucking risk he was taking. But he couldn’t tell Rey that. He wanted her too badly for her to hit the brakes.</p><p> </p><p>The warm light illuminated Rey’s smooth skin and gentle curves as she laid out expectantly before him. She laced her fingers over her stomach and his eyes followed her freckled arms up to the subtle pink of her nipples, the dip of her collarbone, to her round face.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t let himself ever <em> truly </em> look at her. </p><p> </p><p>Naturally beautiful and completely unaware of it, Rey seemed insecure under his gaze. She swallowed and he could tell she was looking at his body with similar reverence. </p><p> </p><p>He’d never gone shirtless around her--the way he used to before she came along. Her knife necklace scar was just a thin, white memory now, only visible if he turned a certain way. </p><p> </p><p>Her hand came up and he leaned into it, letting her finger run along it in apology. Taking her wrist in his hand, he kissed the pink marks, like a bracelet, left behind from the zip ties. </p><p> </p><p>He pulled her shirt off too, wanting to examine the extent of bruises left by the officers. Frowning at her, he recognized the shirt. She kept getting them out of his drawers. Her mouth twitched in a teasing smile, surprised it took him that long to notice.</p><p> </p><p>The shadow of the hand on her upper arm was darker and he kissed it, remembering how he had grabbed her there too when they first met. </p><p> </p><p>He had been too rough with her, in his irritation. He recalled regretting it immediately, then stewing over it at work all day. That was the day that Rey had touched him, grazed her hand along the outline of his dick and faltered.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” Rey asked, closing her legs and sitting up.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had just started having second thoughts, remembering how she had no idea what she was doing, and he, in his conceit at diagnosing her, had <em> let </em> her touch him, knowing she was all smirks and no experience. </p><p> </p><p>It had been easy to forget <em> that </em> girl after their night. After she took the reins, stroking him to completion, his dick so big in her hand she couldn’t even fit her fingers all the way around him. And she had <em> whimpered </em> when he penetrated her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighed and Rey shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“You changed your mind,” she said, reading his face. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re going too fast. We’re going my speed, not...<em> teen </em> speed,” Ben said, hating saying that word aloud.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t miss a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we <em> kiss </em>?” She asked, already testing his boundaries.</p><p> </p><p>Ben laughed. “Jesus Christ.” She sounded her age sometimes, like he’d told her she can’t have a car, so she asked for a bike.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was getting good at kissing and he savored every second her sweet lips massaged his, their heads twisting and turning, her hands in his hair, and their bodies fusing, creating a heat that made him question his resolve within minutes.</p><p> </p><p>People his age didn’t make out anymore. If they did, it was just foreplay. But Rey was so enthusiastic, she made it feel like the main event. He wasn’t sure how long they lay like that, before a crash in the living room made them both jump. </p><p> </p><p>Rey grabbed for her/his shirt and he held a finger to his lips for her to be quiet as he padded out of the bedroom to investigate.</p><p> </p><p>Glass was everywhere, even in the hall, and judging by the dangling curtain rod, someone had thrown a rock or something through his window.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” Rey whispered. “Who would do that?”</p><p> </p><p>He ushered her back into the room, before she stepped on a piece of glass. The two of them were already a collection of injuries.</p><p> </p><p>“Pack a bag,” he said, deciding to take her to his family house in Broadstairs. If the dirty cops were watching the house on CCTV, the rock was a threat to remain silent, and they weren’t safe here anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She spun obediently—“It’s those cops, isn’t it?”—and started shoving clothes into a pillowcase. Maybe that’s what she normally did when she had to pack a bag, but it almost made him laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“Hang on,” he said, tiptoeing over the glass to his room and returning with a duffel bag.</p><p> </p><p>She threw the pillowcase in there and what looked like a handful of birth control packets from her nightstand. It dawned on him as he pulled his shirt back on that she had <em> stolen </em>birth control, rather than going to a free clinic. </p><p> </p><p>It was a strange time for the thought to occur to him, but he needed to get her a doctor. </p><p> </p><p>He had plenty of clothes at the other house, but he grabbed his laptop and some food, taking Rey’s duffel for her when the cab pulled up outside.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are we going?” Rey asked, pulling her boots on and grabbing a pillow off the bed to bring with her.</p><p> </p><p>“My house. Well, it is now. Since my dad died,” Ben said as they peeked out the window for any plain clothes cops.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but where?” She pressed as they slid into the cab. </p><p> </p><p>It was dawn, he’d have to call Maz and tell her to stay away. He could pay her to work at The Center until he came back.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a little seaside town in Kent,” Ben said, before asking the driver to get them to a car rental place. </p><p> </p><p>Thinking like a man on the run, he had decided not to tell Rey the name of the town, in case the CCTV cameras got the cab’s license plates and the cops interviewed the driver later.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. <em> I’m </em> from Kent,” Rey said, not looking excited to return.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll like it,” he assured her. “It’s...big.”</p><p> </p><p>“Who else lives there?” She asked, looking out her window at the CCTV cameras that had betrayed them.</p><p> </p><p>“It’ll just be us,” he said, watching her try to muzzle a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Ben started making a mental list of all the things he needed to do: tell his mother what happened and see if she could expedite the Secret Illegal Backup Plan, call half a dozen pro bono clients—not even including the cases he was working on for kids at The Center, Maz, and...he was going to be all alone with Rey. </p><p> </p><p>Rey had her legs up on the seat, the pillow in her lap, and a thumbnail between her teeth as she smiled out the window. She looked devious and he smiled, before seeing the cab driver’s judging eyes in the rear view mirror. </p><p> </p><p>Too young to be her father, too old to be her brother. And looking at her like that. Like he’d just seen her. Naked and waiting.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am SUCH a crotch tease. Alll of that and he changed his mind still trying to be good boi Ben.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The love I fought to feel was always free</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>What if who I hoped to be was always me?<br/>And the love I fought to feel was always free?<br/>What if all the things I've done<br/>Were just attempts at earning love?<br/>'Cause the hole inside my heart is stupid deep</strong>
</p><p>Stupid Deep by Jon Bellion</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey felt a weight lift as they drove down the motorway, away. Away from London and it’s threats, away from the streets she walked invisibly, seeing families and friends and none of them hers. <em> Towards</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben reached over her, still driving, flipping a latch over her door and pulling the cloth top backwards, his eyes on the road. Sunlight filled the car and the cool wind ripped at her hair as their getaway car turned into a convertible. She rolled her window down too, feeling the resistance of the air on her hand.</p><p> </p><p>Ben took her other hand, low in the seat between them, and she knew he was happy too, laughing at her as her hair flew into her face. He watched the road and she watched him, the rush of wind too loud for them to talk.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like the little hole inside her that she tried to fill with things, like a magpie’s nest, was slowly filling with something else. </p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t need to see her in sexy clothes to like her and he knew she was nothing from the beginning and still took her home and gave her trust. No one else listened to her when she talked. </p><p> </p><p>She had <em> such </em>a deep, empty place inside her though, she wasn’t sure if Ben could do it all. Most people added to theirs daily since childhood, from compliments and hugs and the little things parents do for their kids. Rey only had moments from Ben. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When he told her to write down a list of books she wanted for her bookshelf and she wrote them all, expecting him to pick a few. And he ordered the lot without batting an eye. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When she caught him reading her Nicholas Nickelby because she told him it made her cry but she wouldn’t tell him why, not wanting to spoil it. They were going to watch the movie soon, but he said he wanted to know what she was talking about. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When he told her he was filing for guardianship. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled her hand away and he watched her to make sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. She just needed both hands to put her hair back, it was getting knotted in the wind. </p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head and shouted, “Oh my god, I remember you!”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Rey shouted back.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember you, from when I used to volunteer. You used to wear your hair like that!” He said, tugging on her bun.</p><p> </p><p>It was like he’d poured the memory back into her. “We played The Game of Life,” she said, remembering the board game. There were other kids playing too, and they all couldn’t understand why Ben didn’t want kids in his car. <em> Ironic. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he laughed, “You kept stealing my fake money!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah,” Rey laughed, finding his hand again while they smiled quietly, remembering. Ben was good, even then, letting her take and not calling her out on it.</p><p> </p><p>When they left the motorway, Ben took his hand back to drive. As the speed limit went lower, the houses only got bigger and she looked at Ben, but he seemed to know where he was going. He pulled up to a driveway with a wrought iron gate--like a bigger version of the one to get into his Soho flat--shielded on all sides by hedges.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she muttered as they drove further and she saw his house. “Are you serious!?” She cried, jumping out over the door and running closer.</p><p> </p><p>It was only two stories, but it was huge, old, white, with black gables and a view of the English Channel. She could smell the ocean from the porch. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Big</em>?” She laughed, as he trailed along with their stuff. He had called it ‘big’, but it was a mansion. Ben had a mansion.</p><p> </p><p>“It actually looks smaller. Since the last time I was here,” Ben said, unlocking the door and letting her run inside.</p><p> </p><p>She abandoned him completely, running up the stairs to explore. She passed a bedroom, and a loo with a claw foot tub, another bedroom, another bedroom, and a library. </p><p> </p><p>“This FUCKING library!” She shouted over the railing.</p><p> </p><p>“Language,” he said, a half-hearted reprimand.</p><p> </p><p>Stepping back into the library, Rey wondered when she’d be old enough for him to stop saying things like that.</p><p> </p><p>She walked along the walls of books, not reading the titles, her eyes too tired from lack of sleep. She settled for carefully climbing the slidey bookcase ladder, pretending to reach for books, then carefully climbing down. The library was bright, lit with natural light from a large paned window--offering an even better view of the Channel than the porch--and a skylight.</p><p> </p><p>She continued down the hall, wanting to at least finish her self-guided tour of the top floor, when she found what could only be Ben’s old room. It even smelled like him.</p><p> </p><p>It was like a time capsule of his coming of age, something she would never have. One place with everything he’d ever collected, right there, always in the same spot, even now when he was an adult and didn’t need it. </p><p> </p><p>He liked Joy Division, judging by his posters. There were football trophies, or ‘soccer’ as he called it. University textbooks mingled with children's books and paperbacks on his personal bookshelf, books deemed too modern or out of place to go in the library.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s footsteps creaked down the hall and he found her in his old room, playing with a magic 8 ball on his desk. He came up behind her, running his hands down her arms while she shook it.</p><p> </p><p><em> Will my story have a happy ending? </em>She mentally asked the toy. </p><p> </p><p>‘Cannot predict now’ rose to the surface from the blue-dyed water.</p><p> </p><p>Rey scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you as tired as I am?” He asked. </p><p> </p><p>“Signs point to yes,” Rey smirked, setting the ball down and climbing into his bed. </p><p> </p><p>Ben followed, shoes still on, draping an arm over her as if it were the most natural thing in the world, his breath becoming soft and steady in her hair as he fell asleep, and she with him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>----------------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey woke up alone, but she lay still for a while, looking around at his walls. Eventually, the smell of food convinced her to get up. </p><p> </p><p>Pit stopping at the loo on the way down, she found an unopened toothbrush and toothpaste, helped herself, and brushed her teeth. Their sleep schedule was off. It was dinner time. </p><p> </p><p>Ben had ordered Thai food and was transferring things from containers to bowls in the--surprise--ginormous kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>He was wearing a brown leather jacket, which seemed wrong on him, however sexy it may be.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s with the jacket, I thought you were vegan?” She said, meeting him at the bay window table and taking the pad thai he offered her.</p><p> </p><p>“It was my dad’s,” he said, shortly. </p><p> </p><p>She felt bad, then, for joking about it. “Looks good on you.”</p><p> </p><p>He grinned, sitting down to eat his fried rice. They both turned to look out the window. It would be dark in a couple hours.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to go down to the beach, before it-,” he started.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” She said, her mouth full.</p><p> </p><p>They ate quickly and he took the jacket off, hanging it up at the entrance on their way out, as if he had just been trying it on.</p><p> </p><p>As they bee-lined down the perfectly-manicured hill, Rey asked the burning questions.</p><p> </p><p>“What are we going to do about my school?” It was Sunday, and she wasn’t showing up tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>“I already called them, they’re going to email me your assignments while we’re on...hiatus,” he said, opening the gate so they could climb down stone steps to a sidewalk.</p><p> </p><p>“What are we going to do about the cops?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uhhh well. I talked to my mom about that. We might try to go after them, since I got their photos.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Rey asked, rhetorically.</p><p> </p><p>And that was it, they were there already. She slipped out of her shoes to feel the cold, grey sand between her toes, and ran towards the water, surprised that Ben was running beside her. He turned and jogged backwards, like he wanted to see her reaction. </p><p> </p><p>At the water’s edge, she pretended to push him, because he was showing off how fast he was. He grabbed her hands and swung her easily out over the water and she screamed, but he brought her back to land in the shallows.</p><p> </p><p>The beach was deserted and the sun was setting and a wave swiped into her knees, traveling up to her hips and she laughed. It was cold and now her shorts were wet. </p><p> </p><p>Ben looked around, licking his lips, and she knew he was going to kiss her. </p><p> </p><p>Outside, for the first time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you have read this far, congrats, you have an age difference kink.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Did you find somebody better?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>Did you find somebody better?<br/>Someone who isn't me<br/>Cause I know that I was never your type<br/>Never really your type</strong>
</p><p>Good Things Fall Apart by ILLINIUM, Jon Bellion</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben had to hunch to kiss her and his lips tasted like sea spray as his arms wrapped around her waist. This time, Rey coaxed <em> his </em>mouth open. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t a ‘public kiss’. He had to cradle her head, his tongue and lips were pushing her so hard. Within seconds, she was on fire for him. </p><p> </p><p>He pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, giving her a look that said they needed to get home. To finish this.</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled as he almost ripped her arm out of the socket, pulling her out of the water by the hand. </p><p> </p><p>Ben was looking down, watching out for sharp shells and hidden bottle caps in the sand. He didn’t see the girl standing next to their shoes. Rey watched the blonde quickly unbutton the bottom of her shirt and tie it higher on her stomach. </p><p> </p><p>She had a very bad feeling about this. The girl looked mad and excited at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“Kaydel,” Ben said, swallowing, when he <em> finally </em>saw her. He dropped Rey’s hand immediately and a streak of fear ran through her body.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi! Ben, I saw you down there and couldn’t believe it was you, back from London,” she said, clearly trying to hide the fact that she’d seen them kissing. She couldn’t even look at Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, Kaydel, this is Rey,” Ben said, offering her zero explanation. </p><p> </p><p>“Is she your…” Kaydel said, curiously, leaving it open for him to lie or tell her. He could say ‘cousin’ and be busted, or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘ward’, it didn’t matter, there was no getting out of this.</p><p> </p><p>“I noticed that tree was cut down,” Ben said, completely changing the subject.</p><p> </p><p>“What tree?” Rey said, feeling like she should speak and try to sound grown up, try and save him. </p><p> </p><p>“The one his dad hit,” Kaydel said, as if she were talking to a child. “It was entirely too close to the road. We had them remove it,” she continued, speaking directly to Ben again.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried not to glare at her. Their fate was in her hands. </p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to do that,” Ben said, putting his shoes on. </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel looked awkward, watching as they tried to get their sandy feet back in their shoes, everyone thinking the same thing and all acting like it wasn’t the case. <em> That Ben was fucking an underage girl and Kaydel was his ex who just saw him with his tongue down her throat. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Alright, well, it was good to see you,” she said, waving at Ben and again ignoring Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Ben and Rey walked back up the sidewalk, waiting until she was out of earshot.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had a plan. But she hated it. But there was no other option.</p><p> </p><p>“That was bad,” Ben said at the same time Rey said, “You have to go to her.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Ben said, utterly confused by her solution.</p><p> </p><p>“She knows!”</p><p> </p><p>“I know!”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s jealous, you have to...you know...seduce her, make her think you’ll ditch me for her,” Rey cried.</p><p> </p><p>“What?!” Ben said again. “Fucking ‘seduce’ what the fuck are you crazy-.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben! Do you <em> want </em>to go to prison? She’s jealous and she’s going to tell the cops!” Rey hissed. </p><p> </p><p>“She wouldn’t,” Ben said, although he sounded scared now. </p><p> </p><p>“If you won’t do it for you, do it for me, because I can’t lose you, Ben!” Rey said, keeping the tears in, saving them, because they were coming, but she needed to convince him first.</p><p> </p><p>When he stopped objecting, she knew he was going to do it and she couldn’t look into his brown eyes anymore. She looked at his chest, she turned him around, and she pushed. </p><p> </p><p>Everything went quiet as he took a step back towards Kaydel and Rey ran. She ran to the stone steps, through the gate, and up the lawn, crashing into the house and screaming on the floor at the foot of the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>Her ears were ringing, either from her own screams or from the pressure in her skull as she cried. She stood and found the radio in the kitchen, turning it up full volume to drown it out. Pacing, losing track of time, she ran to the fancy liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of something brown, anything to dull the jealousy that was tearing her apart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What’s your type? Men? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Older. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She took a sip and started hyperventilating, then took another before she’d fully recovered. It burned and she deserved it. Because she'd gotten Ben in trouble. </p><p> </p><p>Jealousy hurt. It was ugly and felt irreparable. They’d never be the same after tonight. She could barely remember what the girl looked like, but she was imagining her on her back, with Ben on top of her, his hands on the floor to either side of her head, looking down at her in that way she couldn’t figure out.</p><p> </p><p>Rey took a long swig and immediately threw it back up on the kitchen floor. She didn’t clean it up. She set the bottle down on the kitchen island and started kicking it, kicking until her foot went through the wood siding. She slipped on her own sick and hit the floor, hard on her elbow.</p><p> </p><p>“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Rey screamed, writhing on the floor. </p><p> </p><p>She crawled over to the wood floor, warmer than the kitchen tile, and screamed until her voice was hoarse. Until she was bored of the noise and switched back to curse words, until she had a headache.</p><p> </p><p>Until Ben ran through the door she’d left open and ripped her into a sitting position. Rey couldn’t help it, she started hitting him. Anything she could reach, his arms and shoulders and chest and face.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t do it! I paid her off!” He said, grabbing her face, his hands drowning out the blaring music for a second.</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t change speed that fast. She went straight from hitting to kissing him just as violently, unbuttoning his trousers and rubbing him over his boxer briefs until he was ready. </p><p> </p><p>He tore her shorts over her legs with her underwear and she climbed into his lap, kissing him and tearing his hair at the roots and sliding over his cock until he was harder for her, until he wanted her as much as she wanted him, because there was no one else for her and she was totally fucked without him. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” he groaned, feeling her slick all over him, burying his head in her chest, her shirt in his fists, asking without the words. Save me, fuck me, put me inside you. </p><p> </p><p>She rose up on her knees and took him, all of him, in the first bob, and kept going, enjoying the pain this time and not whimpering like a fucking baby. She went as fast as she could, rutting on him, holding the spindle of the staircase above his head for balance. </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands squeezed her hips when she tired and helped, lifting her and pushing her down as if she weighed nothing, until he convulsed, jerked and finished and she could feel him pour inside her, deep and hot and burning on her torn entrance. </p><p> </p><p>She fell to the floor and he slid onto his back next to her, each gasping for air and looking at each other, worried that was <em> too much</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Rey hadn’t come and her mouth was dry and she was bleeding and her legs were shaking and her face was red with shame. But that was better somehow than the other times. Because he was sober and he took her because he wanted her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I dunno...was this chapter too emotionally subtle? </p><p>JK I’m over the top and I love it!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Biting the hand of fate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>I've been a bad man<br/>Biting the hand of fate<br/>Fighting for freedom<br/>Please don't wait<br/>I've been waiting<br/>Wardens weigh in my brain<br/>Hoping, hiding<br/>Hating how I can't wait</strong>
</p><p>Hallucinate by Oliver Riot</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Ben woke up, Rey’s hair was still wet. She was curled up next to him in a towel under the covers. </p><p> </p><p>It smelled really good when it was still damp. Fruity. Flowery.</p><p> </p><p>He watched her eyelids flutter and envied her ability to sleep for so long. But she was young and teenagers slept a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he pulled his arm out from under her and laid her head on the pillow. He maneuvered over her, trying not to let the shift in weight roll her around, and unplugged his phone from the charger.</p><p> </p><p>He needed to call his mom and get an update on the Secret Illegal Backup Plan, the fake birth certificate, his mother’s idea. She had wanted it just in case. In case he was arrested. And now that the cops were probably looking for him and Kaydel might talk…</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, when did you move to the UK?” Rey asked, watching him pull on his socks, sitting at the foot of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” He laughed, he hadn’t realized he’d woken her up.</p><p> </p><p>“From the <em> US </em>,” she said.</p><p> </p><p>“I was born here,” Ben said, working his legs into a clean pair of jeans. </p><p> </p><p>“No, but. The accent and...you put your wallet in your coat pocket and you eat with your fork upside down. You say ‘mom’ and ‘soccer’ and 'pants',” she said, listing his Americanisms.</p><p> </p><p>He understood her confusion, he’d gotten it his whole life. “My dad was from Chicago and I copied everything he did. He wasn’t around much so I think...I think I really picked up on everything he did.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where was he?”</p><p> </p><p>“He was a commercial pilot,” Ben said, remembering his dad's suitcase that never seemed to empty or get stored away.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s cool,” she said. “Why didn’t you correct me the first time I asked about America?”</p><p> </p><p>She had asked him the day they met. And truthfully, the only reason he didn’t correct people was because it was somewhat pathetic how much he had idolized his father. It was only when he was an adult that he realized his dad didn’t walk on water and that his mother had done the brunt of the work with little love from Ben to show for it.</p><p> </p><p>When he didn’t answer, she sat up to touch his back but he stood, pretending he didn’t see, reached for a shirt, and put it on in the hall.</p><p> </p><p>Halfway down the stairs, he saw a flash of blue and red lights playing off the front door.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, fuck,” he said, turning and running back upstairs, his nightmare already upon him. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, put some clothes on, the cops are here,” he said, throwing clothes at her.</p><p> </p><p>She sat up when they started pounding on the door, the sound terrifying in the acoustics of the house.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, no,” she cried, throwing on a shirt and shorts, skipping underwear. </p><p> </p><p>She caught up with him at the top of the stairs. He had to answer the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, don’t go,” she whispered, holding his arm. </p><p> </p><p>Two steps down, they were the same height, and he kissed her, not a passionate kiss, a frantic kiss, fearful. She wouldn’t let him pull away so he had to push her a little. The banging was getting louder.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t love me,” she wept, as if he <em> wanted </em>to answer the door and leave her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, <em> I do </em>,” Ben said, firmly, climbing back up the stairs and kissing her passionately then. </p><p> </p><p>She stopped crying and took his comfort, pressed up against the wall, her shorts still waiting to be zipped.</p><p> </p><p>The cops smashed through the window of the door and unlocked it themselves. Ben and Rey tore apart before they saw them, and Ben zipped her shorts for her before turning, then they came down the stairs slowly, recognizing the two dirty cops from London in the group of four, now in police attire. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t realize this was London jurisdiction,” Ben said as they pulled his hands out of the air and twisted them behind his back.</p><p> </p><p>“You think it’s funny? Assaulting police officers?” One said, enjoying the farse, the lie they were telling the Kent police.</p><p> </p><p>“I do if they’re rapists,” Ben spat, watching Rey sit down on the stairs, her legs giving out. He wished his mother was here to hold her.</p><p> </p><p>“Speaking of Corruption Of A Minor,” the other cop said, holding up something navy blue, small, and flat, like a camera memory card. “Your old flame brought us some photos of you just last night.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s blood ran cold. <em> Kaydel took photos? </em>He had seriously underestimated her jealousy. She must have stationed herself on his lawn with a fucking zoom lens to see them at the foot of the staircase through the open door.</p><p> </p><p>The cop leaned in, close, where the local cops couldn’t hear him, “<em> Really </em> good photos.” He smiled and looked over his shoulder at Rey, hugging herself on the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” Ben shouted, trying to get to him with his hands trapped behind his back. They forced him to the ground and Rey started screaming as they punched at every exposed bit of him they could find, the London cops out of revenge, the local cops for resisting arrest.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was pulling at them and he wanted to tell her to go back up stairs. He’d left his phone on the bed and she could call his mom. But there was too much pain to talk. One blow knocked him out for a few seconds and they finally stopped. </p><p> </p><p>Ben licked the blood off his lip, “Rey, call Leia, it’ll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted her away from these cops <em> now </em>.</p><p> </p><p>They lifted him, his brain sluggish, and he got one brief glimpse of her running up the stairs before they half-drug him to the waiting police car.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sad it's ending soon! Get ready for sad Rey in Ben's good boi sweater.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Happy Birthday you’re alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>So I moved on from wrong to right<br/>I spent my days with you that night<br/>Alone with me, head on my chest<br/>The one you trusted with your rest<br/>I skipped a train, I'm so cold<br/>Happy birthday, you're alone</strong>
</p><p>Happy Birthday You’re Alone by Joshua Speers</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“What are you reading?” Leia asked, seeing the book Rey had picked out. Leia knew she was a big reader, knew she used to spend all day at the public library. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey felt weird taking books out of Leia’s private home library. She made sure Leia saw her bookmark, so she would know she was taking good care of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leia blew on her tea the same way Ben blew on his coffee.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our Mutual Friend,” Rey said. She had her own copy that Ben had given her, back at the Soho flat. But she had found her spot in this one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The book lay unopened in her lap, her brain incapable of concentrating on entertainment while Ben was locked up. She was counting the hours. It had been twelve. She had never realized how inventive her imagination was until today, picturing all the things that could be happening to Ben. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other inmates could be strangling him to death right now, for all they knew. Or the cops could be beating him with their batons. Or he could be in a coma from the concussion they gave him. Or maybe it was none of that, but he was cold and hungry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Looks like you’re almost done with it,” Leia said, taking a seat across from her facing the unlit fire grate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t finish it,” Rey said. She pulled her hands into the sleeves of Ben’s big, black sweater. The one she’d found in his drawers. He wouldn’t mind now. Wouldn’t care if his mother saw. Leia already knew about them and didn’t care. Much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it not good?” Leia asked, still trying to keep Rey’s mind off of Ben. Leia had already talked to him once over the phone. He was in the holding area apparently and had been seen by a doctor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leia had a meeting in the morning with his lawyer in London. She was going to leave tonight and be back early, probably before Rey even woke up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s wonderful,” Rey mumbled, staring at the empty place a fire should be. “John Harmon and Bella Wilfer are perfect for each other,” her voice completely broke, but she kept explaining. “But I can’t finish it because sometimes Dickens doesn’t give his characters happy endings!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her volume was entirely too loud for a book discussion now, “Sometimes he just wanted to write about rejection, or make a mockery of foolish philanthropy, or assault the legal system! Sometimes he just wanted to vent and turn it into a love story gone wrong because he wrote about real life and real life isn’t romantic! It’s harsh and cold and unfair and the good people suffer the most!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leia set her tea mug down and climbed into Rey’s chair, the two of them fitting snugly. She ran her hand over her head like she was a child, but she didn’t mind because it felt like something Ben would do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have something for you,” Leia said, after a few minutes. She climbed out of the chair and Rey followed, thinking for some reason she was going to give her a new knife necklace. That was the only thing Leia had ever given her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the kitchen, Leia pulled a yellow cupcake out of the fridge, setting it in front of Rey. “I went to your parent’s house on the way here and they signed the guardian paperwork, so you’re officially mine - and Bens,” she corrected herself, when Rey looked up. “They gave me your real birth certificate, and told me to tell you ‘Happy Birthday’.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pulled a folder out of her purse and handed it to Rey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey read the certificate, doing the math. “I’m 16,” she said, sourly. “You mean, if we had just waited a few more days, Ben wouldn’t be in jail right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leia was uncomfortable with the topic, but she didn’t reply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to bed early,” Rey said. “I’ll see you in the morning.” She glanced down at Leia as she climbed the stairs, still standing in the kitchen next to Rey’s cupcake, unaware that there was a huge hole in the kitchen island from Rey’s foot last night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey heard Leia’s car leave an hour later and she stretched to turn on the lamp light. She grabbed Ben’s 8 ball and took it under the warm covers with her. It had started to rain outside and the temperature had dropped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is Ben going to be okay? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She asked the ball, shaking and waiting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Concentrate and ask again.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey almost threw it to the wall, but instead did as she was told, closing her eyes and thinking about Ben, running backwards in the sand so he could see how happy she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is Ben going to be okay? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She asked again, holding it tight, like her life depended on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Outlook good.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a sound downstairs and Rey froze. Either Leia was back or someone had let themselves in through the broken front door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She padded quietly over to the top of the stairs, peeking down to see Ben at the bottom, drenched, and looking up at her, breathing hard as if he’d run all the way home from the police station.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had a black eye and a sling on his arm, but that wasn’t what caught her attention. It was that look he gave her from </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>night. When he was on top and she couldn’t figure out what his expression meant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You stole the memory card. Out of the cop’s pocket,” he said, and she thought maybe she knew what the face was. He was thinking how lucky he was. The scared kind, where you’re worried you’re going to lose something important.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One more chapter...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The only thing I had was everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <strong>Dark ocean with a tiny flame<br/>Somehow I’m gonna find our way<br/>There was light somewhere down the road<br/>Hard times will not dim our souls<br/>Our dreams will be reality<br/>The only thing I had was everything<br/>When all I had was you </strong>
  <br/>
</p><p>All I Had Was You by The Field Tapes</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben walked up as Rey walked down, meeting in the middle. Unhooking his sling, he laid her down gently, right there on the worn, oriental carpet stairs. </p><p> </p><p>She was in one of his sweaters, so big on her he could run his hands along her underneath it without removing it.</p><p> </p><p>He went down a couple stairs, taking her panties with him and getting her ready with his mouth, his wet hair tickling her stomach. His ears were cold. But her thighs were warm.</p><p> </p><p>Tasting her made him hard as a rock, despite his wet jeans. Thanks to the stairs, he was able to unbutton them and slide them down without even removing his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Crawling back up, kissing and licking and sucking his way north, he pushed inside, their temperature differences a shock to his system. He hadn’t realized he was shivering until it stopped. Until thrusting made his body heat up and his shirt too frigid when it slapped against him. He gingerly removed it with his good arm. The cops had dislocated his other when they lifted him by his wrists.</p><p> </p><p>With Rey higher than him, he felt like he was worshiping her. Thanking her for what she did. <em> His little thief. </em></p><p> </p><p>He pulled out and finished her with his mouth and hand, not stopping until she keened and slid down a stair by accident. </p><p> </p><p>She grabbed his dick unexpectedly and swallowed him, turning him to sit higher than her. He ran his hand through his wet hair, gasping, falling backwards on his elbows and tensing, trying not to immediately come, keeping track of his body so he could warn her when he was close.</p><p> </p><p>He wouldn’t have touched her again if his mother hadn’t told him today she was sixteen. As of today. </p><p> </p><p>Somehow he felt like a race car driver, just <em> waiting </em>for someone to wave the flag so he could go. There was no stopping what happened now, now that there were no brakes.</p><p> </p><p>He felt his tip hit Rey’s throat muscles and he pulled out before he came, but then he lost the urge. </p><p> </p><p>He stood and bent Rey over the stairs on her stomach, sliding in from behind and burying his face in the back of his own sweater, holding her still for him with an arm under her stomach and slowly thrusting home, pulling out and spilling on her ass, swiping his come off with his wet shirt. </p><p> </p><p>He almost passed out. He’d ran <em> miles </em>home in the rain and he probably had a concussion. Rey caught him and he sat between her legs, resting his head back on her stomach, both of them catching their breath, watching the peachy sun set over the Channel.</p><p> </p><p>---------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 1 month later... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey walked barefoot in front of him with the flashlight, looking for a dry bit of sand. </p><p> </p><p>She found a spot to her liking and sat down, crossing her legs and turning off the light. Ben crouched, then laid down so she could lay back on him without getting sand in her hair.</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t leave the house together often, unless it was the beach at night. Even though their relationship was legal, it wasn’t socially acceptable by any means.</p><p> </p><p>He had been released when the cops discovered they didn’t have evidence to hold him. And within a week <em> he </em> was going after <em> them</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, more teens were coming forward who had experienced their brand of punishment, and Ben foresaw a hefty settlement in the future for every victim.</p><p> </p><p>They also had the CCTV footage of the Soho incident copied and sent to Ben and his lawyer, using their own tools against them. Both officers had already been fired and they hadn’t even gone to trial yet.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was afraid they would come back to Kent to harass them, but he assured her they wouldn’t risk adding to their rap sheet. He had bulked up their home security system, just to be safe.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just us now,” Ben said into her hair, their version of ‘I love you’. She was looking up at the expanse, running a hand over the place where his scar was, beneath his shirt and right over his heart.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.” - Charles Dickens</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Broadstairs in Kent is where Dickens vacationed to write for a change of pace. He did a lot of his writing in a house called Fort House that the locals renamed Bleak House after his novel, it’s also home to the annual Dickens festival. Dickens pined for Broadstairs, saying, “never so fine a sunset.”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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